Hypothesis
by cruiscin lan
Summary: In theory, they don't work. In practice, they don't work. That doesn't stop them from testing the hypothesis from time to time. Puck/Rachel.


**In Theory**  They have so very little in common. They're both in Glee, for example, but they're in it for different reasons. She loves to express herself through song, and she wants to win admiration and fame for her talent (it'll happen someday, she tells herself, if I just stick with it). He joined because, at the time, it was the only way he could find to spend some time with Quinn Fabray since he knocked her up, but now that the baby's been adopted and she's back with Finn, the only things keeping him in the club are the facts that he's too lazy to quit and too bored to find anything else to do.  And, yeah, being in Glee means he gets some musical-related action from time to time. He's still fuck-buddies with Santana, but even though she's a sure thing, sometimes he'll approach Rachel after everyone else has left the room and ask her for some extra help on something he's working on. It threw Rachel off-guard the first time it happened, but by now she's wised up and knows what he's _really_ asking.  Most of the time she'll say "I'm too busy this week" or "I can't tonight" or even "No way, Puck," simple as that.  Every once in a while, though, she'll say "My place or yours?" and, even though all previous experiments have yielded negative results, they can test the possibility of being together all over again. 

_Hypothesis: Rachel and Puck would have a successful and fulfilling relationship with one another, given the correct parameters._

**In Practice**

When he goes to her house, he brings his guitar and his textbooks. He spreads his homework out on the floor so they can at least give off the appearance of being productive. (If Rachel's dads ask, he tells them it's "biology" or "anatomy," and Rachel rolls her eyes). They'll spend half an hour going over chords or etudes or whatever other musical shit Rachel feels like doing. She asks, once, if he'd help her with a Myspace video, which he hands-down refuses, but he's game for pretty much anything else that can hold his attention span.

When she goes to to his house, it's only when his mom and sister aren't home, so they can skip the opening act and get straight to the main event.

What they do together is pretty vanilla, in Puck's experience. They don't even have sex, for god's sake, and he's pretty sure he could get a better blowjob from _any_ of the cheerleaders (even the junior varsity squad).

But something about Berry keeps him hooked. Maybe it's because even though she talks a lot, she always has something interesting to say. Maybe it's because she not just hot, she's really pretty too, and sometimes when the lighting is right and she's smiling at just the right angle, she takes his goddamn breath away. Whatever it is they have is more than just physical - but it's the physical part that's his favorite.

They tumble together on the bed - his or hers, doesn't matter, it always follows the same pattern. They grab at each other's clothing, unbuttoning and unfastening and exposing what's normally hidden underneath. All the while they kiss feverishly, hectically, like they have a time limit or something. Sometimes she'll let him slip the strap of her bra off her shoulder so he can play with her nipples. Sometimes her hand will wander beneath the waistband of his boxers. When they're feeling particularly adventurous, they'll let their mouths do all the exploring.

But every experiment must be conducted in a controlled environment, and Rachel is the one who controls the environment between her legs.

His hand slides up her skirt, and he catches the seam of her panties between his thumb and his forefinger and tugs intently.

"No, Noah," she stops him. "I'm not ready."

She's trying to meet his gaze, trying to lock his eyes with hers so he knows that, while she's serious right now, he knows it's only a little while he'll have to wait, and that if he's patient, he'll get what he wants. But he's too frustrated to focus on her, and he turns his head and stares at the wall for a moment before he asks "Can I at least get a handjob?" and she accedes.

_Prediction: Rachel and Puck's relationship will be doomed to failure without sufficient physical intimacy._

**In Theory**

It happens after one of their marathon make-out sessions, when he's laying on her bed and strumming his guitar as she runs a brush through her hair and reapplies her lip gloss, trying to make it look like they weren't just mashing their mouths against each other for an hour or two.

He's pissed off today, for some reason. He's moodier than ever, lately, and it's worse when he sees a baby about the same age as his daughter should be, and it makes him want to punch something. It's easier to take out his anger verbally, though, and Rachel's an easy target. "You know we're only together because Finn and Quinn are, right?" he asks her. "You want him, I want her, and neither of us is _ever_ going to get what we want."

"You keep telling yourself that," Rachel replies coolly, "and you'll miss out on everything else that could make this work between us."

She's a strange one, that's for sure. She takes offense at the _stupidest_ remarks he'll make about what she's wearing or her performance in Glee that day, but when he's trying to be hurtful, she's able to brush it aside like it's nothing. "What are you talking, Berry?"

"If you have to ask," she mumbles to herself, "you'll never know."

_Experiment: Bump uglies._

**In Practice**

Not all variables can be controlled successfully. At least that's what Rachel Berry thinks to herself when she lets it go too far. They're both practically naked - except for, strangely enough, their socks - and she's laying the edge of her mattress with her legs hiked up against Puck's chest. At least he'd had a condom (in all experiments, they must take precautions), and he's gentle about it when he slowly eases himself into her. The feeling makes her gasp - it's good but it's not _right_, and Rachel hopes it's not too late to stop.

"I'm sorry, Noah, I can't do this," she interjects, and instinctively Puck pulls out.

"Does it hurt?"

"Yeah, but that's not why. I just..." Rachel, for once, is at a loss for words. "I can't..."

"Don't sweat it, Berry," Puck tells her, taking a step back so she can relax. She sits up, and he sits down beside her, wrapping one arm around her and letting her set her head on his shoulder. She starts to sniffle, and before long, she's like a freaking waterworks factory.

It isn't like him to be this sweet to someone he doesn't even like three-quarters of the time, but for some reason he feels extra bad. She's not his best friend's girlfriend, and she's only half-a-virgin at this point, so he can't explain his guilty feelings to himself. Instead he places his hand on the back of her head as she presses her face into his chest, sobbing.

"It's really no big deal," he tells her, aware of how lame he sounds, but he can't sit there and say nothing, either. "It's okay. It's okay."

He holds her in his arms and lets her cry for the better part of an hour, because he knows this will be the last time they ever try this.

_Data: Sexual congress initiated but failed to progress. Intimacy briefly achieved through alternate method, although repeat experiment at this time appears unlikely._

**In Theory**

Every so often while he's sleeping, he'll get a glimpse of her in his dreams.

Sometimes when she's feeling particularly sorry for herself, she'll flip through an old issue of _Cosmo_ and think of him.

Maybe someday, there will be new research, new resources, new reasons to try again.

But for that, they'd have to revise the hypothesis.


End file.
